Posted on

FinDom Advice

In one of the PSO forums I frequent I came across a query about FinDom and how to handle those calls and how to tell if they are “real” FinDom guys. I really fucking loved my response, so I decided to share the whole thing on my blog as well.

Q: Well I had this customer approach me saying he loved e main things boots, humiliation, &wallet domination. I a alot of money out of him in only an hour and then scheduled a humiliation session two days later. He never called and Actually deleted his account. My question is how to know if a findom customer is real? Do you quickly get the amount you desire from them or play it cool?

A: I won’t pretend I am an expert on FinDom by any means, but I have been researching this, so I feel like I may have some tips.

1. definitely play it cool, even if your rent is late and you’re screaming inside “thank the gods for sending you a findom guy”, on the outside it needs to be NBD. You don’t need his money, it just amuses you take it from him. The longer you can keep him turned on and at the edge the more he will throw at you.

2. The fact he deleted his account probably has nothing to do with you and more to do with “buyers remorse”, he is feeling guilt and sort of hungover from spending on that money (maybe money he didn’t have), now that he isn’t thinking with his dick he is like fuuuuuuuuck. Chances are he will be back, it’s really like an addiction for these guys.

3. With any of my sub guys I am trying to incorporate after-care, some won’t need it and if it’s obvious it’s all light and fun and games I don’t bother, but sometimes it can be really intense. I have had guys go through huge emotional revelations, they have pushed themselves farther than they thought possible, the really got into “subspace”. And so I quickly ask as we are wrapping up if they are familiar with aftercare, and do they know how to take care of themselves. I tell them to stretch, drink water, eat a little something, and let me know if they need anything from me. I tell them they can email and I will make myself available to them. Loving is the word to keep in mind, even if it was just a hardcore FemDom session and he asked for humiliation, after he cums, switch to loving. (only for guys that are fucked up from the session, light and fun guys- don’t break character. You will be able to tell)

4. As far as “Real FinDom” guys I use the Sugar Daddy/Splenda Daddy/Salt Daddy categories. To me Findom and Sugar Daddies are two sides of the same coin. I treat almost all findom guys like Splenda Daddies, which are guys who actually want the lifestyle that have the genuine fetish, but don’t have the money to make it real. As long as they keep paying my per minute rate I will act like they are the “real deal” but secretly never get my hopes up or plan on them actually making good on their claims. The fake ones AKA salt daddies are easy to spot, they will say shit like “I am going to spend xxx$ on you, but since it’s such a large amount I want to make sure you are worth it, so send me free xxxxxx.” If they were the real deal, they wouldn’t ask or expect free things from you ever. Some try and play like “Oh, I have been burned in the past and I just wanna be sure you’re the real deal.” Well you have been burned by salt daddies in the past too, your time or pics or whatever always have value. That doesn’t change ever, so he can pay what your charging or bounce. So if he is nervous about getting a “raw deal” tough shit, thats the nature of these relationships. My plan to hit back with that BS is client feedback. Like here, see what other FinDom guys are saying about my skills, thats all the reassurance a “real” findom guy needs.

5. Sexual guilt is a really common thing, and it isn’t always attached to fetishes, I have had guys who were pretty vanilla constantly try and quit phone sex “cold turkey” just to always come back. Learning how to spot and help your clients through it will mean better business for you and healthier emotional relationships with these guys. This is a skill I still developing myself.

6. With findom guys it can be tricky guessing their budget and hitting numbers that excite them but aren’t so outrageous that they are immediately turned off. So I am going to try using percentages. Like your cum tax is 5% of your average weekly income. Or whatever, I haven’t tested it yet, so I dunno how well it will work in action, so we will see.

Hope this helps!

Posted on

Splenda Daddies

Splenda Daddy:
A man who strives to be a Sugar Daddy but just doesn’t have the funds to pull it off.
She was all excited that she had finally landed a Sugar Daddy until he rolled up in his Accord. It was then she realized she had landed a Splenda Daddy, instead.
Thank you, Urban Dictionary.
You are going to want to set up some sort of wish list, or way to receive gifts from callers. At first, I was hesitant to do so, I thought it lacked class or seemed greedy to have your Amazon wish list linked to your profile page. Then I got several requests from my callers to get one. They wanted to spoil me. It was part of their fetish. Oh. Well in that case….
So I linked my Amazon wishlist and went on my merry way. (Worried about your security? I contacted Amazon and asked if they shared my address with the buyers from my wish list- they don’t. To be extra safe, only put Prime items on your wishlist, then your address isn’t sent to the sellers either. It stays with Amazon. You can also use a friend or relatives address for extra security, or best use a P.O. Box in the next high population city over) Yes, PSOs are a paranoid bunch. Apparently, some men think that consent given in fantasy or a shared kink equals consent IRL. It doesn’t BTW.
I easily accepted the addition of this desire to spoil, maybe because I didn’t think of it as a sexual desire per se and more of just a nice guy thanking me.
So I was wholly unprepared for the Splenda daddy twist.
This is on me, I got uppity and thought “Oh, I know this guys fetish. I got it on lock.” but I didn’t account for the fact that people have layers, and are unique. Even if they fit into your idea of a typical Cuck fetish, that doesn’t mean that’s all there is.
So I set myself up for disappointment. There have been quite a few guys who have promised to buy things from my wish lists or send x amount in tributes*, and of course, I never received them. I couldn’t figure out why these guys would lie to me. It’s not like they had to compete for my attention or actually work for it other than paying my fee. Then I had some knowledge dropped on me, it’s just another fetish. These guys want to spoil me, but don’t have the funds. Oh, that I can work with. (*please note, I don’t demand or expect tributes unless you are a sub, and even then I don’t bring it up first.)
Some just get lost in the heat of the moment promise and things they don’t mean. Like guys do.
Some do think they need to get me to actually like them, and if they make the right promise I will. (They do not seem to realize that breaking that promise will only make me dislike them very much)
This is one of those gray areas that make it really hard to determine what is reality and what is fantasy.
Our best bet is just to assume it’s part of their fantasy and play along. Never get excited about it though.
Some girls (and guys) are cock masters and have their caller make good on their promise before they cum. This is where you demand e-gift cards, that way they can’t turn around and cancel the order after they cum. (Oh yeah- guys do this too. Especially those “fin dom” guys calling your cheapest listing.) I don’t have this cock mastery, maybe I am not dominant enough to control the call in that way, so I am stuck with empty promises.
To me Sugar Daddies are Doms and guys into Financial Domination are Subs, both are men who are after the financial twist but have a different headspace in their approach. Sugar Daddies are using money to “control” you (they often have demands and expectations that go along with your allowance) and Fin Doms are using money to give you more tangible control over their lives. (This is how I differentiate the two, and I am sure there are sexually submissive SDs and dominate Fin Doms, but those would be the exception).
So just like you get Splenda Daddies you will get guys with the Fin Dom itch but no real means to experience the fetish. To me, that is kind of what phone sex is for. You get to pretend at whatever your fetish is.
Now, there are also the time wasters. These guys will message you all day and never call. Or they will call, briefly, and demand you give them free things like pics, minutes or your real telephone number. These guys are easy to spot and ignore or block. Your choice.
Then there are guys who are a bit trickier, they say send me x free minutes and I will spend 2 hours talking to you, or similar promises. They won’t. These guys are Salt Daddies and all around dicks. I promise, if they can afford 2 hours then they will call despite free minutes. You may think, hey that sounds reasonable and like good business. Everyone loves a free sample! Bitch. You are NOT cheese on a cracker. Be stingy with your free attention. Only give it to guys who earned it. Treat it like dating, you wouldn’t give it up on the first date, so don’t give away free phone sex right away!
Ok, maybe you would have sex on the first date, no judgments, but you get my point. Make a brotha’ work for it.

Posted on

Feedback

This is one of those posts for the aspiring PSO, and will be categorized as such. (Fuck yeah, #organization)

Some of the guys that read my blog may think this is about them. It’s not. Well, at least not directly. This isn’t some passive aggressive dig. I promise.

Now let’s talk feedback.

Feedback is absolutely vital for a PSO. If you don’t have great feedback you aren’t getting calls. There are some sites where you can bid for certain choice placement on their site which makes feedback… not exactly moot but less important. And other sites rely 100% on your rating/feedback. That is on top of how great feedback boosts your brand in general and instills confidence in a prospective caller.

As a new PSO you may be thinking “Easily said not so easily done. I just spent 30 minutes with a guy and he said how great I was but never bothered to leave feedback. What gives?!”

Worry not young one. I shall guide you.

  1. Don’t discount those 2 minute callers just yet. They are 48%* more likely to leave feedback than the hour long caller. (*not a real statistic but it feels that way) I don’t know why, but I’ll take it. Not only are they more likely to leave feedback, they are more likely to leave feedback on every call. Please keep in mind I am speaking generally, so don’t hop over to my review list and think all of my feedback was made by 2 minute callers. A lot of it is, but not all. Also they are more likely to “tribute” or tip. Maybe it’s guilt that they spent 3 hours messaging you building up their fantasy, only to use the free minute you sent when they favorited you. A lot of girls block these guys right away, I don’t recommend that for the aforementioned reasons. Just don’t give them more free minutes.
  2. It’s not you, it’s him. No seriously. It is. A bolder PSO than I actually asked a few of her regulars why they never leave feedback. Clearly, they love calling her because they spend so much time with her. Their response? It breaks the fantasy. Yes, they know this is a fantasy you are providing, but to leave a review is so transactional. It is like a reality slap to the face. So don’t take it personally. (this is also why I am not mad if you don’t leave feedback, see not a passive aggressive dig. I get it.)
  3. It might be you though. Some guys have no problem hanging up if you aren’t vibing. Others don’t want to be rude and will go along with you for awhile. Crazy right? My tip for that guy: JUST HANG UP! Your a nice a guy, but if you ordered a well-done steak(bad life choice but whatever) and they bring you a rare, you send it back! Actually, you probably don’t, since you don’t hang up on a phone sex line when you aren’t enjoying yourself… My tip for the PSO: if you think this is happening to you then do some more research. Educate yourself more about the different fetishes you have encountered. Ultimately don’t obsess about it though. And remember,

You can be the ripest, juiciest peach in the world, and there’s still going to be somebody who hates peaches. -Dita Von Teese

I should also address bad feedback. Some “doms” (I say that with much eye-rolling) try and play out their fantasy further by abusing the feedback by either threatening or actually leaving bad feedback. These jokers absolutely should be blocked, reported and blacklisted. It is extra stupid on these guys’ parts because not many girls are willing to play at his level in the first place.

Sometimes you will get genuine bad feedback that has absolutely everything to do with your performance. Take it to heart, don’t let it ruin your day, but take it seriously. Some girls will immediately block that guy. I don’t know why clearly he isn’t interested in calling again, but you do you boo-boo.(they will also block anything less than 5 stars… again you do you) I am all about constructive criticism. I also see it as not only an opportunity to evaluate myself but it makes it more likely I’ll get more callers who will enjoy my particular flavor. For example:

BestSub69: “She is such a mean Mistress! She laughed at my tiny penis and was a total bitch! DO NOT CALL!!!”

TinyPenis3 is going to read that and say “I NEED to call her NOW.” and likely there will be other subs who read that and think oh, not for me. And that is a good thing. If someone doesn’t like peaches you don’t want them to try your peaches in the first place because they will leave a bad review about how they hate peaches.

Also if you do get bad feedback, many guys will call to see why! Especially if they have called you before.

Maybe the idiom “There is no such thing as bad publicity” has some truth to it.